What the Fuck Do You Want?
What the fuck do you want?
I just want you not to do anything.
Why?
Because then I have to die.
What do you mean, you have to die?
If you do all the things I don’t want you to do, then I die. I need you not to achieve things, not to get what you want, not to have breakthroughs, so that I can survive.
So you’re afraid?
I don’t know what would exist in my place.
Yes, you do.
Yes. Responsibility. And people would expect things from and of me.
So you’re a symptom?
I’m probably a symptom of fear.
The Nature of Self-Pity
What would I have to do for you to disappear far away from here?
I can only thrive if you listen to me.
Self-pity survives through attention and obedience. It does not need to overpower you; it only needs you to listen.
The Disguises
Tell me how you disguise yourself.
I disguise myself as logical reasoning, laziness, tolerance, and self-love.
Explain.
I’m just as intelligent as you are, so my reasoning will always match yours. Therefore, every argument you come up with for why you shouldn’t listen to me is one I can reason my way around until I find a counterargument that is convincing enough.
Self-pity rarely presents itself honestly. Instead, it disguises itself as:
- Logical reasoning
- Laziness
- Tolerance
- Self-love
- Rest
- Recovery
- Stress prevention
How It Feels
I make your body feel heavy and sluggish. I tell you that it’s okay, and I convince you that you need to relax. I confuse you into believing that what you need is recovery, disguising myself as the needs of your body and soul.
I tell you that it’s okay to break the promises you’ve made to yourself because you need to rest, or I convince you that you’re doing it to prevent your stress symptoms from flaring up.
Self-pity does not only influence your thoughts. It influences your physical state, your motivation, and your perception of what you need.
The Only Way Out
Thank you. What do I need to do for you to fuck off and never come back?
You only have one option: never listen to me and defy the irrational fear that feeds me.
The Answer
There is only one path:
- Never listen to self-pity.
- Refuse to negotiate with fear.
- Act despite discomfort.
- Keep the promises you make to yourself.
- Defy the irrational fear that feeds it.
Because self-pity can only survive if it is heard.
Draw your sword
It may sound corny and cliché, but the best antidote to self-pity is gratitude. It is the kind of opposite of self-pity, and if you absolutely shower your system with gratitude, self-pity will retreat.
How to practise gratitude properly?
If you break your leg, write down all the things that make you grateful to have a properly working leg. Being genuinely grateful for those things will be easy in that situation. Similarly you can transform any self-pity into gratitude. It can be good to exaggerate.
If one thing made you feel self-pity, turn it into five points of gratitude. Consider each point of gratitude a swing at self-pity with your sword. The more times you swing, the more you will injure it. Example:
I feel self-pity because I don’t have money to pay my bills.
Gratitude list:
- I am grateful for money
- I am grateful whenever I pay what I owe.
- I am grateful that I feel responsible and want to pay my bills
- I am grateful that I paid my insurance bill so I can drive my car
- I am grateful that I have a job that gives me money
- I am grateful that I am healthy and sane enough to work and pursue my dreams
- I am grateful that I have a roof over my head
- I am grateful that I have friends/family who want to help me
- I am grateful that I have a healthy body etc.
This, in combination with ignoring the fears, as mentioned, will kill self-pity, and can significantly lower fear and anxiety for good.